


Please Contact Gabriel for Details

by AcierGlace



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-21
Updated: 2013-04-21
Packaged: 2017-12-09 02:22:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/768870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AcierGlace/pseuds/AcierGlace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel sets up an inter-dimensional phone tree. With limited success.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please Contact Gabriel for Details

“You've reached Gabriel. I'm obviously busy being awesome so just leave your name, date, planet, universe, and reality after the beep, and I'll get back to you!” 

-Beep-

He quickly punched in his passcode and tilted back to drizzle the last bits of his milkshake onto his tongue. There was silence on the line as the phone gave him access to his voicemail messages.

“You have 10 new messages.” 

Gabriel's eyebrows shot up and he placed the glass back down, spoon clinking against the side. Wow. That was more than he expected. 

“Message 1.” A pause then a masculine voice was on the line, sounding bemused and concerned. “Hi, I'm calling about the ad. I'm John Watson, er, 2011, Earth, the, uh, only universe, in the only reality. (This is a little strange – was muttered softly almost silently). All accounted for. No strange behavior. Er. Stranger behavior than usual. So. Perfectly fine. But thank you for the concern.”

Gabriel saved the message and skipped through to the next one.

“Message 2.” Pause. “Hello, Gabriel dear, this is Aziraphale, year 2011 as the human here count, Earth, Universe ----” Enochian sounded hideous through the phone. “I'm calling on behalf of Adam's friend Wesley, your vessel here. No strange activity, but I'll keep an eye out just in case something does turn up. Your concern was greatly appreciated. Don't be a stranger.”

“Message 3.” Pause. “Hello? Mr. Gabriel? I'm Alphonse Elric, year ---, Almestris. I'm sorry but we don't know who you are or what you want. Brother wanted to tell you that we have our lives under control, and to, uh, please not contact him like that again. I'm sorry.”

“Message 4.” Pause. “Gabriel, hello!” Now this man was chipper. “Urahara Kisuke, year ----. Earth, Universe ----” Urg, Reaper's had the worst accents with Enochian. He rolled his eyes and refilled his milkshake. “Hollow Reality. No activity on our side. Looks like it may be localized on your front. Depending on how your universe deals, flushback probably won't effect us too bad. I'll keep an eye on it. Best of luck!” 

“Message 5.” Pause. “I don't know who the fuck you are or how the fuck you know me. I'm betting it has something to do with that dick Near. But if you don't fucking leave me the hell alone, I will hunt you down and you can deepthroat my Glock, got it?” Major anger management problems. He'd have to probably contact someone else with more sense in that particular universe. 

“Message 6.” Pause. “Hello!” Calling this voice chipper would probably be a bigger understatement than calling Lucy's rebellion a tantrum. “This is Demyx! Year ---, The World the Never Was, um, I'm not sure about the rest of it. We're the ones with the Heartless and Nobodies! There's nothing like your ad going on here, but there are some things happening. Not good for us. I think. But it's messing with our heart and soul connections. So is that weird enough?”

He would probably have to check that out. The last time he'd been to The World That Never Was, it hadn't technically existed, but the flushback from Lucy's rebellion had washed through pretty rough. Left everything disjointed and soured. But he had slightly more pressing issues.

“Message 7.” Pause. “Hello Gabriel. This is Remus Lupin calling in response to your ad. The year is ---, Earth. I was advised that the proper name for our reality is -” The human tongue should never attempt Enochian. Worse than the Reapers. Oh Loki, were his ears ringing. “I can't report the same signs that you warned about, but there is civil war here. Violent unrest. My mentor suggested that the word “Horcrux” would mean something to you. We'll try to stay in contact.”

Shit. Another case of soul distortion. What the hell was going on that the interdimensional flushback was so concerned with souls? Was it because the vessels finally walked the earth? That they were constantly in flux, dead and in hell or dead and in heaven? Yet another stop on his grand tour.

“Message 8.” Pause. “Hello Gabriel. I'm not sure how you were put in contact with me. James T. Kirk, by the way. Captain of the USS Enterprise. Calling on behalf of my CMO Leonard McCoy whose contact information is not publicly available. So there really shouldn't be anyway you should know how to place your ad in the only news feeds we have available out in the black. We've got quite a few questions for you as well.” Gabriel rolled his eyes. Yeah. No. Like hell was he getting swept up in whatever stupid government mess that reality came with. He'd get Castiel to check on that one too, along with whatever Mr. Anger Management was from. 

“Message 9.” Pause. “I'm very sure that you think this is hilarious, Izaya. I don't know what the hell you're up to with this one, but I will hunt you down and beat it out of you. Watch yourself, you fucking flea.” There was some serious snarly growling there. Gabriel felt like there wasn't enough chocolate in every universe put together to deal with this mess.

“Message 10.” Pause. “Er, hello? I think you've had a bit of a mix-up, Gabriel.” It wasn't as bad as the mauled Enochian, but the boy's Japanese had a terrible accent that made him think of that recent trick he'd played on his own universe by planting the idea of a reality show in New Jersey in the heads of some very desperate executives. Like everything clean about the language had been defiled. “If you're looking for signs like that happening here, you probably want one of my friends. They're the ones with the ancient spirits and Egyptian items. I'll let them know and I guess we'll let you know if shit goes down. Again.”

“Wonderfully informative.” Gabriel griped as he finished his seventh milkshake of the afternoon.

So. The information gathering had gone spectacular. Ten separate universes he'd planted his own vessel bloodlines had resulted in that wonderfully colorful group of people on his voicemail. More than a few of them with bad tempers and probably bad habits. Theirs were the worlds that were more than likely going to be among those affected by the apocalypse happening in this universe. The increasingly unstable energies in this universe would wash through those closest to this universe and then beyond. 

It had happened after Lucifer's fall, and Gabriel still had horrifying memories of the worlds that never were to be, untainted and then cruelly ravaged. Some of those universes fell like Lucifer, the flushback renting holes in their realities, great beings born to entropy and chaos claiming the remains and furnishing it fit for themselves. He had sealed many of those worlds himself, no justice or mercy to those sacrificed in the great fervor to save this pitiful little planet and the children favored above all others. 

No peace in Heaven, no place in Hell, and a world filled with ignorant creatures. If the damn Winchesters could have understood the pure pain and agony that his life had been before he'd cut and run, they'd be less whiny about his lack of help, he was sure. But it really didn't matter to him. He'd done his share, would go and leave this reality with as flashy an exit as he could get, then he'd start planet-hopping. If Lucy and Mickey were off his scent, it'd be easier to help Castiel search, if not for their deadbeat dad, then at least for some serious celestial aid. Not all of the holy weapons were trapped in Vergil's toy chest, after all. He was starting to really like this plan. 

However, that would be the last time he left custom ads in the newspapers that would only be visible to his bloodlines. More trouble than it was worth.

**Author's Note:**

> Drabble - no planned sequel.


End file.
